Barks Blog

by Veronica Boutelle

In this article, the experts at dogbiz share tips for working with a committed client who’s training is being undermined by a skeptical partner.

Ask dogbiz

Q: Hi dogbiz,

I’m working with a really great client who is totally committed to training her dog. The problem is that her partner is not on board at all. He ignores the training plan, uses completely different methods, and sometimes jokes that the dog “needs a firmer hand.” My client is frustrated and says she feels like she’s doing all the work.

I’m not sure how to handle this. I don’t want to criticize her partner or create more tension, but the lack of consistency is really slowing things down. Do you have any advice for navigating situations like this?

Thanks,
Jess

Hi Jess,

First of all, welcome to one of the most common and least talked about challenges in dog training. Somewhere in the background of many training plans there is a second human who didn’t attend the consultation, didn’t read the handouts, and didn’t sign up for a life of carefully timed reinforcement.

Sometimes that person is a skeptical partner. Sometimes it’s a lovely but enthusiastic child who you really regret giving that clicker to. Occasionally it’s a grandparent who has raised dogs “perfectly well for forty years, thank you very much.”

Whatever the form, the dynamic is familiar: one person is trying to follow the plan, and another is quietly undoing it. The good news is that this situation can be manageable. The less good news is that it’s rarely solved by explaining the training plan again, just louder.

Step One: Remember that resistance is normal

When trainers see inconsistent follow-through, the instinct is often to double down on education. If the partner understood the science, surely they would get on board.

In reality, resistance is rarely about understanding alone.

People resist change for all sorts of reasons.

Sometimes they feel defensive about past choices. Sometimes they worry they’re being judged. Sometimes they simply didn’t sign up for dog training homework (or even a dog in the first place) and are trying to protect their already busy routine. And sometimes they just have a very strong belief that dogs should listen the first time because that’s “how it worked” with the family Labrador in 1998.

Approaching the situation with curiosity rather than frustration tends to work far better.

The goal isn’t to “win” the argument.

It’s to lower the temperature enough that the household can move forward.

Step Two: Bring the missing human into the conversation

A training plan is much easier to follow when everyone involved understands what’s happening. If a partner or family member hasn’t been part of the process, they may feel like the rules appeared out of nowhere. Being told “the trainer says we have to do this” is not always the most persuasive argument.

If possible, invite the other person into a session or conversation. Even a short discussion can help them see the reasoning behind the plan. When you explain the training approach, focus on practical outcomes rather than theory.

Instead of diving into learning science, talk about what life will look like when things improve.

For example:

“We’re teaching the dog what to do instead of jumping, so guests can come into the house without getting scratched.”

Step Three: Reduce the number of moving parts

Sometimes inconsistency happens simply because the training plan is too complicated to implement in everyday life. If a household has multiple people interacting with the dog, simplifying the plan can make a big difference.

Instead of expecting everyone to follow six different guidelines perfectly, identify a maximum of one or two core behaviors that matter most. Clear, repeatable actions are far easier for households to adopt than a detailed list of instructions.

Remember, the goal isn’t perfect training mechanics from every person in the home. It’s enough consistency so that their dog can learn.

Step Four: Frame consistency as helping the dog

When tensions arise between household members, it can help to shift the conversation away from, “who is right?”

Most people care about their dog’s well-being, even if they disagree about training methods.

Instead of focusing on rules, frame the training plan as a way to reduce stress for the dog.

For example:

“When the responses are consistent, it becomes much clearer for Peggy. That usually helps behavior improve faster and allows Peggy to relax more.”

Step Five: Support the committed client

Even with the best strategies, some households remain a little uneven. In those cases, your most important role may be supporting the person who is trying to follow the plan. Let them know that partial consistency still helps. Reinforcing good behavior when they’re with the dog can still create progress.

It can also help to gently acknowledge the reality of the situation. Many trainers have said some variation of:

“Dogs are very good at learning from whoever is the most consistent. So let’s focus on what you can control.”

Household dynamics are part of dog training whether we like it or not. Dogs don’t live in training sessions; they live in families, with all the quirks, habits, and differing opinions that come with that.

Your role isn’t to perfectly align every human in the home. It’s to guide the process in a way that makes progress possible.

And sometimes, you may also find that the situation simply isn’t workable. If the household isn’t willing to make even small changes, or if the training plan is being consistently undermined, it’s okay to acknowledge that progress will be limited. Being honest about that is part of being a professional.

You can offer alternatives, suggest resources, or leave the door open for future support if circumstances change. But you don’t have to carry the responsibility for a situation where the conditions for success simply aren’t there.

Good luck!

The dogbiz Team

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