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Tips for Ensuring Safe and Happy Holidays for People and Dogs

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By Niki Tudge

All behaviors that dogs exhibit are designed either to access pleasurable situations and desirable objects or to avoid and escape unpleasant situations and undesirable objects. (Note: This is based on what each individual dog considers to pleasant or unpleasant, not the human, and it is important to be aware that the canine and human opinions may differ in any given situation!)

A dog’s communication systems are greatly ritualized, and have evolved specifically to avoid or cut off conflict. This has made dogs, as a species, very successful in terms of their numbers, variety, and adaptability. Things, however, can go awry when we humans misread the signals dogs send us, leaving them helpless to effectively communicate their feelings to us no matter how hard they try.

We cannot know or understand what dogs think and vice versa. What we can do, though, is understand their body language, observe them carefully as we interact with them, and then respond appropriately.

“Speaking dog” is simple if you remember a few important rules, and it has the added bonus of making any interaction with dogs more fun and safer—not to mention, the dogs you come into contact with will really appreciate it.

Types of Social Behavior

The types of social behaviors dogs demonstrate can be broadly grouped into the following two possibilities:

Distance decreasing—A dog uses distance-decreasing behaviors to promote approach, play and continued interaction. A lumbering, soft gait, relaxed body, and a relaxed face where the muscles are loose indicate the dog is encouraging interaction, as does a dog who is moving towards you or leaning into you. The dog may also offer you a paw or rub against you. Dogs who want to engage in play will demonstrate the “play bow,” a posture where the dog literally bows the front of his body so the front legs are parallel to the ground while the hindquarters remain in the standing position.

Distance increasing—Distance-increasing signals vary and can be easily misread. The signals many of us seem to have no trouble understanding are when a dog stands tall, making each part of his body appear as large as possible, with his weight on the front legs, displaying an upright tail and ears, and piloerection (i.e., the hair along the spine stands up, aka raised hackles). The dog may also vocalize (e.g., bark or growl). We seem to instinctively react to these signals and take them as the warnings they are intended to be. (See also the upcoming section on anxiety and stress for more on distance-increasing signals.)

There are also a number of distance-increasing signals we humans commonly misinterpret. These are the more appeasing behaviors dogs demonstrate. Dogs use these appeasement behaviors to make friendly encounters more predictable and to help them diffuse what they anticipate might be a hostile encounter if escape is impossible. These behaviors are a nonaggressive way to “cut off” conflict. When dogs display these behaviors, we need to recognize that this is their way of showing us they are unsure and a little scared.

Appeasement Signals

You may see appeasement signals in one of two ways:

Passive appeasement—Passive appeasement behaviors are commonly misunderstood and are often labeled as “submissive.” Dogs displaying passive appeasement will present themselves in a recumbent position exposing the underside of their body. The dog’s ears are typically back and down against the head, and the tail is often tucked between the hind legs. Sometimes the dog will expel a small amount of urine while he waits for the attention or the situation he perceives to be hostile to cease.

Active appeasement—Dogs displaying active appeasement gestures are often incorrectly labeled as “excited,” “overly friendly,” or even “pushy.” They will often approach you with their whole rear-end wagging in a “U” shape allowing both their face and genital area to be inspected. They may be desperate to jump up and get “in your face.” For humans, then, it is important when meeting and greeting dogs to be able to recognize if a dog is genuinely friendly and wanting to greet you, or if he is experiencing stress, anxiety or fear.

Conflicted Dogs

A dog in conflict will want to approach but at the same time is too scared or unsure of the outcome. His body language will vacillate between displays of distance-decreasing behaviors and distance-increasing behaviors. Interacting with a dog that is conflicted can be risky. If you make a wrong move and the dog cannot avoid the approach, then he may become aggressive. This is often the case with a “fear biter.” Many dogs who bite, bite out of fear. Our appearance and movement towards them is scary, and they bite as a last resort to encourage us to leave. Dogs whose bite is motivated from fear often display ambivalent, mixed signals. This means they are conflicted. They are torn between approaching and being scared, so they will move back and forth in their communication. This conflict can be displayed very quickly and can result in nips and bites. When dogs are showing fear, it is advisable to avoid sudden movements and to allow the dog an escape route. Do not force the meet and greet by moving toward the dog, having the dog’s owner manipulate the dog into moving toward you, or trying to touch the dog in any way.

Cut-Off Behaviors

It is important that we recognize a dog’s cut-off behaviors. These are designed to end social contact. If, when greeting a dog, you do not recognize that he is scared or stressed, or you choose to ignore his signals and push forward with your approach, you are unfairly pushing him into a situation where he may feel he is only left with one option, and that is not a favorable option either to dog or human. In other words, he may feel he has no other choice but to bite. When we get a little irritated, we may tell somebody to “push off “or “cut it out.” If they don’t respond then we may speak a little more firmly and we may even shout at them. Our dogs cannot do this. They cannot explain or plead with us in English, or whichever language we speak. They can only use their canine communication system. It is up to us to understand and respond to this system so the dog does not feel threatened to the point where he escalates his warnings to a bite!

Canine Warnings

Dogs will typically give plenty of warning if they are uncomfortable with something that another dog or a person is doing. These warning signs may include a direct stare, a rigid face or body, a growl, a curled lip (this can be minimal and hard to spot) or “whale eye” (i.e., flashing the whites of his eyes, also known as half-moon eye). His ears may be flat against his head and he may have a closed, tense mouth. If you see any of these signals, stop what you are doing immediately and allow the dog to slowly back away. Be aware that dogs can make these signals extremely quickly, within mere seconds, and because of this it is not always easy to spot them.

Dogs are wonderful, social animals that love and need to be a part of our lives. But, like people, their personalities range from being social butterflies to wallflowers. Tailor your approach and greeting style based on whatever communications the dog gives you. Dogs are very clear with their intentions and emotions, and respond accordingly to ours. Remember, our body language and approach speak much louder than our words as far as dogs are concerned. They are expert readers of our body language and nonverbal communication.

Specific Signs of Stress or Anxiety

Dogs often feel stressed or anxious in certain situations and will give signs to indicate their discomfort. In such cases, there is a need for intervention to prevent pushing a dog to the point of biting, and to make sure your canine friend is happy and not feeling anxious.

Please remember: It is a GOOD THING that a dog shows you that he is anxious or uncomfortable and gives you the chance to change the situation, rather than go straight to a bite. Here are some of the more subtle or commonly misinterpreted signs a dog may give when feeling stressed or anxious:

One paw raised—This looks very cute, but the dog who raises his paw is not happy and does not want to be petted or bothered. A raised paw is a sign that the dog is worried.

Half-moon eye—Also known as whale eye, this is when the whites of the dog’s eye are visible. Watch for this when kids are playing too rough with the dog, or are too noisy or close to him. It is a common expression in dogs that are being hugged. If you see the half-moon eye when children approach the dog or are interacting with the dog, it’s time to intervene and give them all something else to do. The dog just wants to be left alone.

A dog may also vocalize his anxiety in the form of a growl, or flick his tongue over his nose, look away, yawn or lick his lips. Never punish a dog for showing that he wants to be left alone by growling, leaving the area or demonstrating any of the more subtle signs highlighted above. If you punish a dog for growling, then you risk suppressing his warning system. If you punish a dog for not staying in a set place when he feels threatened by a child’s proximity, then you risk suppressing his warning system. When a dog’s efforts to communicate are ignored and he starts to feel more and more stressed, he may get to the point where he feels he can no longer rely on his warning system. In such cases, he may simply resort to biting without giving any of the initial warning signals.

If a dog is punished for trying to communicate his discomfort with any given situation, he will still feel exactly the same way about the situation. However, he may now also feel he has no way to show his discomfort and no way out of the situation because he does not want to risk being punished. Be glad if your dog gives a warning, and take steps to modify the situation. If the situation involves a child, modify the behavior of the child, condition the dog to enjoy the child, and create private and safe spaces for both dog and child.

Other signs of anxiety include:

  • Tail between the legs.
  • Tail low and only the end is wagging.
  • Tail between the legs and wagging.
  • Tail down or straight for curly-tailed dogs (husky, malamute, pug, chow chow, spitz-type dogs, etc.).
  • Ears sideways for an erect-eared dog.
  • Ears back and very rapid panting.
  • The dog goes into another room away from you and urinates or defecates. (Please find a force-free professional behavior consultant for help with this.)

Displacement Behaviors

These are all things that dogs do in other contexts. It is important to look at the whole situation to determine whether the dog is feeling anxious. For example:

  • If it is bedtime and the dog gets up, stretches, yawns and goes to her bed, then that yawn was not a displacement behavior.
  • If the kids are hugging the dog or lying on her and she yawns or starts licking at them over and over, then this is a displacement behavior. She wants to get up and leave or even to bite, but she displaces that with yawning or licking them or herself. In this context, the licking or yawning behavior tells you that the dog is uncomfortable with whatever the kids are doing, and it is time for you to intervene. You must then either prevent the kids from doing this in the future or use positive training techniques to teach the dog to enjoy (not just tolerate) these actions from the kids. (Note: Children should never lie on, sit on or stand on any dog.)

Displacement behaviors are normal behaviors that are displayed out of context. They also indicate conflict and anxiety, i.e., the dog wants to do something but is suppressing the urge to do it. He may then displace the suppressed behavior with something else, such as a lick or a yawn. For example, say you are getting ready to go out and the dog hopes to go, too. He is not sure what will happen next. He wants to jump on you or run out the door, but instead he yawns. The uncertainty of the situation causes conflict for the dog, and the displacement behaviors are a manifestation of that conflict. Another example: The dog may want to bite a child who takes his bone, but instead he bites furiously at his own foot.

Some examples of displacement behaviors include:

  • Yawning when not tired
  • Licking chops without the presence of food
  • Sudden scratching when not itchy
  • Sudden biting at paws or other body part
  • Sudden sniffing the ground or other object
  • All over body shake when not wet or dirty

Avoidance Behaviors

Sometimes dogs give more overt signals when they feel anxious and want to remove themselves from a situation. Here are some examples:

  • Getting up and leaving an uncomfortable situation.
  • Turning the head away.
  • Hiding behind a person or object.
  • Barking and retreating.
  • Rolling over on his back in a submissive way. (He is saying, “Please don’t hurt me!”)

Please don’t force a dog to stay in situation where he feels anxious, especially if children are the source of his anxiety. All dogs should have a safe place, such as a crate or mat, that they can go to when they want to be left alone. All family members and guests should be taught not to bother the dog when he is in his safe place.

Tails Tell a Story

One of the biggest misconceptions about canine body language is that a dog wagging his tail is a happy dog. A dog’s tail can, indeed, indicate that he feels happy and relaxed. When looked at in isolation, however, the tail is one of the least reliable indicators of how a dog is feeling. When looking at the topography of a dog’s body and his communication signals, you must look at the entire package, i.e., all of the body parts. A wagging tail does not always mean that a dog wants to be friends and is safe to approach. Because of this, we need to teach children much clearer indications in terms of whether a dog is ready for them to approach or not. Often, we hear children being told, “Oh, he is friendly, his tail is wagging,” when, in fact, the tail is communicating a completely different story. Yes, the tail may well be moving, but not because the dog feels friendly or wants to be approached.

General Meeting and Greeting

In general, when you meet and greet a dog, make sure you have a relaxed posture. Let the dog approach you and turn your body slightly to the side, as this is less threatening for a dog than when you are standing in a full-frontal position, leaning over him and/or staring directly at him. Always ask permission from the dog’s owner to pet their dog. If the owner says yes, talk gently to the dog without making eye contact. But remember, not all owners will be aware if their dog is stressed or fearful, so always use your own new knowledge of how dogs speak!

When meeting a new dog who is happy to meet you, it helps to crouch down and keep your hands by your side without making any sudden movements. When you have determined the dog is not showing any signs of stress or fear and his body language is relaxed and happy, then you can slowly move your hand to the side of his body, just below the neck, and stroke him gently across his chest and side. If the dog is showing passive appeasement signals (i.e., signs of unease or fear, as described above), give him space and allow him to approach you on his terms and in his preferred timing. If he chooses not to, then respect that and accept that he is not ready to interact at that moment.

To learn more about how to stay safe around dogs, visit

This article was excerpted from the following book:

Tudge, N. (2017). A Kid’s Comprehensive Guide to Speaking Dog! Joanne Tudge, pp. 9-19.

Niki Tudge – MBA, PCBC-A, CABC, CDBC SSA-CFT, Six Sigma Black Belt, HCITB TS1, TS2 & TS3

Niki is a certified dog behavior consultant and holds reputable health and fitness certifications.

As the founder and president of the Pet Professional Guild, DogNostics Education, and The DogSmith, Niki has substantial leadership experience in the pet industry. Niki has published numerous articles on dog training and behavior, and her pet dog training businesses have been featured in many publications, including The New York Times.

Niki’s professional credentials include AABP-Professional Dog Trainer, AABP-Professional Dog Behavior Consultant, PCBC-A and PCT-A through the Pet Professional Accreditation Board. Niki also earned diplomas in animal behavior technology and canine behavior science and technology through the Companion Animal Sciences Institute.
Along with Niki’s business degree and MBA from Oxford Brookes University, she is also a certified Six Sigma Black Belt, an HCITB TS1, TS2 and TS3 certified people trainer, and a certified team facilitator and project manager.

To complement Niki’s dog behavior skills and experience, she is also a certified fitness instructor and walking and running coach, and she carries several certifications in the health and fitness industry. Additionally, Niki offers coaching and fitness programs through her Run With Your Bestie business.

Her professional credentials include International Sports Science Association (ISSA) Certified Fitness Trainer, ISSA Certified Transformation Specialist, ISSA Nutrition Coach and ISSA Elite Trainer. Niki is also a certified ChiWalking and ChiRunning coach. In addition, she has completed the well-known M.A.F. Foundations certificate course developed by Dr. Phil Maffatone and is a supporter of the M.A.F. system.

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