Barks Blog

by Veronica Boutelle

In this article, the experts at dogbiz address feelings of self-doubt stirred up by another trainer’s business success.

Ask dogbiz

Q: Hi dogbiz,

There’s another trainer in my area who seems to be doing incredibly well.

They’re everywhere. Their social media is awesome, they’re constantly booked out, they’re speaking at conferences, appearing on podcasts, and generally looking like they have their life together. The annoying part is that I actually like them. They’re ethical, kind, and good at what they do. I don’t want them to fail.

But every time I see another announcement, another success story, or another ‘sold out’ post, I feel a knot in my stomach. I start questioning my own business and wondering whether I’m doing enough.

How do I stop feeling jealous of someone I genuinely respect?

Thanks,

Green-Eyed in Green Bay

Hi Green-Eyed,

The first thing I’d say is that you’re far from alone.

In fact, I’d wager that most trainers can identify the exact person you’re talking about within about three seconds of reading this question. They may not have the same trainer in mind, but they’ll have someone.

The trainer whose workshops always seem to fill. The trainer whose social media somehow looks both professional and effortless. The trainer who appears to be speaking at every conference, guesting on every podcast, and casually announcing exciting new projects while the rest of us are still trying to answer emails from last Tuesday.

What Are You Trying to Build?

Dog training can be a particularly fertile breeding ground for comparison because so much of our work is visible. We don’t just run businesses alongside one another. We watch them unfold in real time. Every workshop announcement, media appearance, glowing testimonial, sold-out class, and professional milestone arrives directly in our social media feeds.

And success in dog training can be surprisingly difficult to define. Some trainers want a large team and a busy facility. Others want a small business that fits around family life. Some want to speak internationally. Others want to work three days a week and spend the rest hiking with their dogs. Some are motivated by impact, some by income, some by flexibility, and most by a mixture of all three.

The result is that we often find ourselves comparing businesses without first checking whether we’re actually trying to build the same thing.

What Matters to You?

The other thing that stands out from your question is that you like this trainer. Oddly enough, that often makes comparison harder rather than easier. It’s relatively straightforward to dismiss the success of someone you’ve already decided is unethical, incompetent, or obnoxious. You can tell yourself they’re all marketing and no substance, roll your eyes, and move on with your day. It’s much more uncomfortable when they’re genuinely good and deserve their success. Then you’re left with nowhere to put the feeling except back on yourself.

Most of us are taught to treat jealousy as evidence that we’re being petty or unprofessional. We feel it, immediately feel guilty about feeling it, and then try to squash it down as quickly as possible.

But jealousy is often useful information.

Not always pleasant information, admittedly, but information nonetheless. The feeling is usually pointing towards something that matters to us.

Sometimes that’s obvious. Perhaps another trainer is publishing articles and you’ve been talking about writing for years. Maybe they’re running workshops and you’ve been quietly wishing you had the confidence to do the same. Maybe they’re charging rates you’ve never felt comfortable charging yourself.

In those situations, jealousy is less about the other trainer and more about the gap between where you are and where you’d like to be.

The challenge is figuring out exactly what you’re reacting to. One question we sometimes encourage people to sit with is this: if you could swap businesses with that trainer tomorrow, would you? Not just the visible parts. The whole thing.

Their client load. Their schedule. Their inbox. Their finances. Their responsibilities. Their family situation. Their goals. Their stress levels. Their compromises.

Would you take the deal?

Most people hesitate at this point. Because what they’re actually jealous of is rarely another person’s entire business. More often, it’s a specific aspect of it. The visibility. The flexibility. The reputation. The confidence. The waiting list. The fact that they seem to know where they’re going while you’re still trying to figure it out. The trainer isn’t really the issue. They’re simply revealing something that has highlighted a desire, insecurity, or unmet goal of your own.

What Can You Learn?

And there is another crucial layer to all of this.

We are comparing our behind-the-scenes experience to someone else’s public-facing highlights.

This doesn’t mean those achievements aren’t real. But every successful trainer you admire also has frustrations, doubts, difficult clients, unfinished projects, disappointing launches, and weeks where nothing seems to work.

The trainer announcing their sold-out workshop may have spent years building towards it. The trainer launching a successful course may have three earlier versions that flopped. The trainer who looks effortlessly visible online may spend several hours a week creating content when you’d rather be doing almost anything else. We tend to compare our whole reality to a carefully selected slice of someone else’s.

What can be most useful is shifting from comparison to curiosity.

Instead of asking, “Why are they doing better than me?” try asking, “What can I learn from this?” Perhaps they’ve built stronger referral relationships. Perhaps they’ve become known for a specific niche. Perhaps they’ve developed systems that allow them to spend more time on the parts of the business they enjoy. Perhaps they’ve simply been doing it for longer.

The goal isn’t to copy them. The goal is to understand what, if anything, is relevant to your own path. We’ve worked with plenty of trainers who spent years chasing goals they thought they wanted, only to discover they were borrowing someone else’s definition of success. In fact, one of the most helpful exercises you can do when comparison starts creeping in is to spend some time defining success for yourself. Not for the industry. Not for your colleagues. Not for the trainer you’re quietly stalking on Instagram. For you.

The clearer you become about what you’re actually trying to build, the less distracting other people’s businesses tend to be. You’ll still admire them. You’ll still occasionally envy them. You’re human. But you’ll spend less time wondering whether you’re falling behind in a race you never intended to run.

– The dogbiz team

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Learn how dogbiz can support your success at dogbizsuccess.com. Have a question for the business experts at dogbiz? Submit your question for consideration to [email protected]

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