Pets and Their People Blog

by Niki Tudge

Modern dog training requires understanding how fear interferes with learning, how pressure accumulates, and how trust is either built or eroded through everyday interactions. And it requires us to communicate with Kindness.

Kindness Is Not…

Kindness is often misunderstood. It does not mean:

• Letting unsafe behavior continue
• Ignoring boundaries
• Avoiding structure
• Asking dogs to just cope

Kindness includes management, clarity and support – delivered in ways that protect emotional safety.

It reminds me of the difference in philosophical approach between using cues and commands. It’s simply a choice.

You can either exert control or you can choose to empower and relate.

The Command: Do It or Else!

A command is a demand for compliance. It carries an implicit threat: If you don’t do this, something unpleasant will happen.

• The Energy: Commands are often delivered in a firm, authoritative tone – low, stern and loud.
• The Motivation: The pet performs the behavior primarily to avoid a negative consequence (fear, a collar correction, or scolding).
• The Relationship Cost: Commands create a Do I have to? dynamic. They rely on pressure, which can cause a pet to shut down or become anxious when they aren’t sure what you want.

The Cue: An Opportunity to Earn

In technical terms, a cue is a signal that a specific behavior is now available for reinforcement. You can think of a cue as a green light.

• The Energy: A cue is neutral or positive information. It’s like a friend saying, Hey, if you sit down now, I’ve got something great for you!
• The Motivation: The pet performs the behavior because they want the outcome (not because they want to avoid something nasty). They are active participants with you in an enjoyable process.
• The Relationship Benefit: Cues create a Can I? dynamic. They build an eagerness to listen because listening leads to good things. They turn training into a game you play together.

That’s it. No intimidation. No pressure. No discomfort or startling. Just clear, kind, reciprocal communication that allows your dog to succeed and strengthens your bond.

Blind Obedience Approach	Welfare-Based Partnership
Focuses on the Action (The Sit).	Focuses on the Emotion (Is he comfortable?).
Uses “Pressure” to get results.	Uses “Reinforcement” to build desire.
Values “Compliance” above all.	Values “Consent” and “Communication.”
Result: A dog who is usually “reliable” but may be anxious or shut down.	Result: A dog who is confident, safe, and happy to work with you.

True kindness requires us to evolve. It requires us to look at our pets not as a subjects to be managed, but as a sentient learners participating in a two-way relationship.

So, what’s the difference between a cue and a command? Kindness. Let’s Be Kind!

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About the Author

Niki Tudge – MBA, PCBC-A, CABC, CDBC

As the founder and President of The Pet Professional Guild, DogNostics Education, and The DogSmith, Niki Tudge brings substantial leadership experience to the pet industry. She has published numerous articles on dog training and behavior, and her businesses have been featured in publications such as the New York Times.

Niki’s professional credentials include AABP-Professional Dog Trainer, AABP-Professional Dog Behavior Consultant, and both PCBC-A and PCT-A accreditation through the Pet Professional Accreditation Board. She also holds diplomas in Animal Behavior Technology and Canine Behavior Science & Technology from the Companion Animal Science Institute.

Combining her industry expertise with a strong business foundation, Niki holds a business degree and an MBA from Oxford Brookes University. She is also a certified Six Sigma Black Belt, an HCITB TS1, TS2 & TS3 certified people trainer, a Certified Facilitator, a Certified Transformation Specialist, and a Project Manager.